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World Ends Friday, What To Know In Boca Raton

end of world

The world ends on Friday. Here's what to know in Boca.

BOCA RATON, FL ( — //By, Andrew Colton, Editor // The world, according to the Mayan calendar, ends Friday. Much like the housing bust and Mitt Romney's campaign, we have reason to believe that the beginning of the end will start in Boca Raton.

Our staff has been busy preparing for the end of the world, and is publishing a list of what you need to know. We will be updating this list as long as we can. Feel free to send us updates involving your store or business.

VALET PARKING: If you are planning to witness the end of the world from Mizner Park, we have learned that free valet parking will be available, as usual, if you are driving a Lexus vehicle. The charge for the four people in Boca who do not drive vehicles with a Lexus logo is $5, but the good news is you pay when you pick up the vehicle. No world, no fee.

SHOPPING: Boca Raton's Town Center Mall (NYSE:SPG) will continue with extended holiday shopping hours, just in case the world doesn't end and Christmas happens next week. A woman named Bubbie Goldstein will also be on hand, as she routinely is, at Nieman Marcus, trying to return a Louis Vuitton bag that someone re-gifted her three years ago.

FOOD: At this point, all major supermarkets in the area are scheduled to be open as normal. Even Publix, which routinely closes for holidays so its associates can spend time with their families, will be open for the possible end of the world. Your last shopping trip should be a pleasure.

FAST FOOD: McDonald's will continue with a 24-hour schedule at its restaurants that traditionally offer 24-hour availability.

EARLY BIRD: Check with your favorite restaurant about your regular “early bird” deal, and whether it will be even earlier on the last day of the world.

POLICE: We've received no updates from Boca Raton Police or the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office in reference to the end of the world. Speed limits should still be obeyed. Tickets will be issued. The good news here: court dates are traditionally several months out. No world. No court date.

AIRPORTS: Both Palm Beach International and Fort Lauderdale International Airport are planning to operate as usual. However, should the skies open and yield eternal fires from hell, delays should be expected.

SPANDEX: Lulu Lemon, the official supplier of Spandex to housewives in Boca Raton, is expected to keep normal hours. Deceptively thinning black spandex is the “in thing” for this end of the world.

HOUSE PREPARATION: With no hurricanes this past season to worry about, expect home supply stores to have a full supply of plywood for shutters, bottled water, flashlights, and generators. The items you would routinely wait for the last minute to purchase in the face of a major storm should be available for your last minute “the world is ending” shopping trip. will be here to cover the end of the world, at least until the expected electromagnetic pulse (EMP) knocks us offline. If you take photos before it all ends, email us at news(at)

Good luck, Boca.




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